When I first became pregnant, in March of '07 I must have stared at the pee stick for 10 minutes trying to grasp my new reality. At the time J-Mo was an avid mountain biker and was on his way home from a 4 hour ride. I couldn't wait to tell him. He walked in the door and immediately threw himself on the carpet complaining of complete exhaustion. He laid face down trying to stretch his sore muscles and not at all paying attention to the excited face I was wearing. I grabbed the pee stick and put it on the floor right in front of him, "look what I did while you were gone!" His reaction was unexpected, he didn't get it, he said "Where did you get this? Did your sister pee on this?" (My sister is a baby making machine) He could not believe "we" were pregnant. He insisted that it was a joke and wanted more proof, so off to the store to buy another test. The 2nd test convinced him and finally I got the reaction I had been hoping for...pure joy. I wanted my friend Jill to join me for the ride so I begged and pleaded with her to get crackin on the love making with her hubby. Sure enough before too long she was preggers too! Woo-Hoo!
It was a blast chatting, emailing, and dreaming of our new lil creations. Jill is one of those people you can't imagine living your life without once you've met her. I was more than ecstatic to have babies together. Unfortunately the bliss was cut short when 6 weeks later at our first Dr's appointment the ultrasound screen showed us an empty black sac with a small white shadow in one corner. We were heartbroken to say the least. My Dr. reassured us that we were well capable of having healthy babies and to miscarry in the early stages of the first trimester is VERY common. I went in for the DNC the next day, thank you Lord there was no pain and it was over quickly.
It was a blast chatting, emailing, and dreaming of our new lil creations. Jill is one of those people you can't imagine living your life without once you've met her. I was more than ecstatic to have babies together. Unfortunately the bliss was cut short when 6 weeks later at our first Dr's appointment the ultrasound screen showed us an empty black sac with a small white shadow in one corner. We were heartbroken to say the least. My Dr. reassured us that we were well capable of having healthy babies and to miscarry in the early stages of the first trimester is VERY common. I went in for the DNC the next day, thank you Lord there was no pain and it was over quickly.
Baby making was not on our agenda for awhile, but low and behold only a few months later I was pregnant again. This time we thought for sure we would have a lil Mo in 9 months. But...sometimes our plans don't line up with God's plan and things change unexpectedly. I was about 4 months pregnant and I remember feeling out of sorts about my baby, I didn't know how pregnancy was supposed to feel so most of the time I thought everything was fine. My belly was growing, I was gaining the right amount of weight, we heard the baby's heartbeat at the 12 week appointment, and the 16th week. Looking back now I realize that the heartbeat was always difficult for my Dr. to find and when he did find it we had to strain our ears to make it out, but it was there. At 5 months J-Mo and I headed for the most exciting ultrasound, to determine the sex of our baby! We had a family dinner party planned for that evening to share the good news. We settled into the ultrasound room and the technician rubbed the ooze on my belly while J-Mo held my hand. It happened to be the same room, and the same technician that gave us the bad report last time, I'm not superstitious so I didn't care.
Well....the devastation set in when she placed the probe on my belly and I could see the tiny figure laying at the bottom of the sac without a heart beat. Even now it's hard to write how I felt, it couldn't be true, why was this happening, what did I do wrong? I didn't say anything, the tech was silent and turned the screen off. She put her hand on my knee and just said "I'm so sorry." J-Mo looked at me with confusion in his eyes, he didn't understand either. The tears poured and the sobbing overcame us. The worst was yet to come. The only option we had was to deliver our baby, at 5 months gestation the baby is too far along for a DNC. My Dr happened to be out of town and the on call Dr. was Dr. Barry May the head of the practice. Thank God for Dr. May, he took us into his office to discuss the next steps. I looked up through my soaked face and saw a huge painting on the wall behind his desk. There were two surgeons in the middle of an operation working on a patient, standing behind them with arms held out was Jesus. God is so amazing, just when you think he's not there he reminds you that everything is in his hands. We cried some more, and then Dr. May prayed. He is such a blessing. I was induced and delivered baby Dallas the next day. She was a very sick little girl, she only lived in the womb for about 17 weeks. The autopsy determined that she had Turner Syndrome, the most common reason for miscarriage, just usually the baby passes within the first few weeks of pregnancy. Dallas must have been very strong to hang on for so long. Some babies can actually be born and live with Turner Syndrome but there can be devastating symptoms, most cannot procreate and have their own children because they are born without all the functions of normal reproductive system. It's a bittersweet memory and makes me all the more grateful for this healthy baby I have growing inside me now. J-Mo and I found a new love and respect for each other that day because we were brought to our knees, and faced the reality that life is unpredictable and all we have is each other.
We couldn't be more excited for our lil Mo to come into this world, and we both know that it's happening just as God planned.
C-Mo
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